1998; Rated G; 75 Minutes
David Joyner: Barney
George Hearn: Grandpa
Shirley Douglas: Grandma
Trevor Morgan: Cody
Renee Madeline Le Guerrier: Mildred Goldfinch
Jeff Ayres: Baby Bop
Produced by Martha
Chang, Dennis DeShazer, Sheryl Leach, Ben Myron and Jim
Rowley; Directed by Steve Gorner; Screenwritten
by Stephen White, Sheryl Leach, Dennis DeShazer and
by DAVID KEYES
there any hope for this movie whatsoever during the course
of its production? Assuredly not, especially after attending
it, which was regrettably one of the most stupidest decisions
I have ever made. Taking a young friend to see it (his parents
couldn’t take him), I walked in expecting to see an innocent
children’s story, like an old-fashioned Disney cartoon.
What I got was nightmares, watching the disturbed purple
dinosaur spend the entire movie jumping up and down, laughing,
and saying lines that that are so cheerful and so joyful
it made me sick. He is indeed the worst child creation of
the 1990s, and that is so fluently demonstrated here, in
a movie that doesn’t need to be seen in theaters. It is
a television episode three times longer, but with more songs.
couldn’t they just do this for TV? I had much better things
to do with my time instead of going to this mess. After
all, the movie DID open on the day I was supposed to go
see Dark City (a great movie, by the way). I had
to delay the arrangement time to take a preschooler here,
who would have been just fine if the film came on TV during
its regular syndicated time slot. Placing it in theaters
is like stretching an episode of Oddities to the
length of two hours, without changing any part of the story,
the action, or the characters. No wait--there is
a difference. The movie doesn’t begin with those pathetic
opening numbers that plagued the series. This time, we start
with the story setup.
basically about three children, who go to their grandparents’
farm for the summer. The two girls, being fans of Barney
and all, one day dream him up, although the boy (Cody) doesn’t
believe in these things. When Barney miraculously appears,
he takes the children on a long, intense adventure to find
a mysterious, enchanted rainbow egg, which is lost and must
what I mean? The plot is like one from the show he has--not
real big, not real involved, but what did you expect? It’s
Barney, and any child over four or five hates this dude.
Children under that age, I imagine, will like the movie
very much, but then again, wouldn’t you think they’d be
happier watching it on TV?
theater is no place for this type of movie, especially when
I’m forced to put up with it. The story and characters (to
me) are so unappealing that it’s almost frightening. Barney
himself could be a horror film villain with his constantly-cheerful
attitude and his freaky smile. The music he sings is bad,
too--he rips off the medley and rhythm of much popular children’s
songs for new ones, like "This Old Man" for "I Love You."
really gets annoying and really gets freaky. A movie this
cheerful is destined to be awful to audiences over ten years
of age, because by that time, we have probably experienced
darkness and pain in the movies. By this age, one would
have seen a typical Disney movie, which almost always has
a moment that frightens younger audiences. Barney’s Great
Adventure is simply too cheerful, even for children,
and it gets to the point where I had nightmares after seeing
as the moviegoers can at least tolerate this on TV. After
all, that’s where children spend most of their time watching
things. Next time, leave it thier--bring it into the theaters
again, and I will scream.
1998, David Keyes, Cinemaphile.org.
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