1998; Rated PG-13; 115 Minutes
Scott Bakula: Gus Cantrell
Corbin Bernsen: Roger Dorn
Dennis Haysbert: Pedro Cerrano
Takaaki Ishibashi: Taka Tanaka
Jensen Dagget: Maggie Reynolds
Bob Uecker: Harry Doyle
Eric Klotter: Rube Baker
Ted McGinley: Leonard Huff
Produced by James
G. Robinson; Directed and Screenwritten by John Warren
by DAVID KEYES
all my life, I have only seen a handful of movies that are
so bad that they made me want to scream. Luckily, these
films don't pop up often: they circulate through the minds
of brain-dead producers and directors, and after coming
to the realization that they are sinning against the film
industry, these movies don't even see the light of day.
Unfortunately, when they do come onto the film screen, people
would like nothing more than to kill their creators.
League: Back To The Minors" is exactly like that: audiences
would like nothing more than to crush the skulls of its
creators with a baseball bat after seeing it. Who could
blame them? This is a movie that is so preposterously bad
that I can't even believe it is allowed to play on theater
plot is scetched out in absolute simplicity. It involves
a few of the characters from the previous "Major League"
films. Some of them, for apparent reasons, wind up back
in the minor leagues which, once they get there, are loaded
with several players who are all trying to make it to the
majors. So, with their experience, they feel they need to
help them accomplish their goals. Most of these players
don't cooperate that often: they either disobey the other
players advice, or do exactly the opposite of what they
are told. In other words, they are completely incompetent.
ho, ho. Like we really care. Anyone who has seen the previous
"Major League" films knows how they go: they have a bad
start of the season, eventually go to the playoffs, and
marginally win. This is a plot that is only good once, so
immediately, audiences should realize that sequels to the
"Major League" film are not funny, or entertaining, or worth
a dime. You don't even need to see the film to realize it.
speaking, "Major League" wasn't funny to begin with. Stuff
that involved bones crunching and heads rolling is just
not funny. "Major League," among other stupid things, had
humor that involved people getting hit with baseball bats
and being knocked to the ground by foul pitches. "Major
League: Back To The Minors" uses all of these old tricks,
but much more of them, and often times they look and sound
more painful than they probably really are. This is not
funny: Things that hurt people or make their bones crunch
are not funny. Let me make it clear: IT IS NOT FUNNY!
am going to kick myself for weeks for actually giving this
film the time of day. After sitting through its painful
two hours I have realized what this film, and probably others
like it, actually need:
officers standing at the theater entrances where this movie
is playing to arrest people who are going to see it. Or,
if people manage to get into the theater, there should be
someone standing by with a baseball bat to knock them completely
one feels like a viewer at this movie: they feel like they
are strapped to a dentist's chair and having teeth pulled
without Novocain. People that crack even the smallest smile
here obviously need therapy, and those who laugh once, or
twice, or even all the way through the film obviously have
me, there are movies that aren't funny and still have redeeming
value. See those instead, if you are the type of person
who laughs at unfunny comedies.
if you, under any certain little circumstance, have the
stupidity to go see "Major League: Back To The Minors,"
I will personally hit you in the head with a baseball bat!
1998, David Keyes, Cinemaphile.org.
Please e-mail the author here
if the above review contains any spelling or grammar mistakes.