(US); 1998; Rated PG; 101 Min.
Michael Keaton: Jack Frost
Kelley Preston: Gabby Frost
Mark Addy: Mac MacArhtur
Joseph Cross: Charlie Frost
Henry Rollins: Coach Gronic
Produced by Irving
Azoff, Matthew Baer, Jeff Berry, Mark Canton, Richard Goldsmith
and Michael Tadross; Directed by Troy Miller; Screenwritten
by Mark Steven Johnson, Steven Bloom, Jonathan Roberts
and Jeff Cesario
by DAVID KEYES
does one review such a movie? How can one possibly critique
a film like "Jack Frost" without themselves freezing on
the spot? The movie is simply bad bad bad. It's easy to
write about bad movies, because the words of hatred flow
so majestically and gracefully from your thoughts that sometimes,
you don't want them to end, just so the bad movie gets everything
it deserves. But with "Jack Frost," our words are frozen.
How can we bring ourselves to describe the despicable mess
that Michael Keaton has gotten himself into? We love this
man's ability to be so gifted and great in his acting. To
hate one of his movies so much is to hate him personally.
not really his fault, either. It's not his fault that the
snowman that replaces him halfway into the movie is so hideous
that it makes Godzilla look original. What the filmmakers
have done to his career here is stepped on it and kicked
it out the door for someone else to handle. Didn't they
realize that they had a superstar on their hands? Didn't
they even grasp the notion that this was the only actor
brave enough to survive more than one "Batman" film? Either
the people who made "Jack Frost" have been living under
a rock for the past twenty years or they knew what they're
doing but just didn't care. Either way, maybe they should
never incorporate a special effects creature in their movies
let's discuss that snowman. He's disgusting. He's ugly.
He's so contemptible that it's literally the most nasty
thing that special effects has ever created. I'm not joking.
He's uglier than Godzilla, uglier than Pumpkinhead, and
heck, he's even uglier than that lumpy-headed alien in "Bad
Channels." Why, you ask? Well, he's a snowman with coal
eyes, a carrot nose, no legs, and yet, he walks and talks.
He has a big mouth, and stick arms that move really fast
when he's throwing snowballs. How does this all look on
screen? Don't even ask.
story revolves around Keaton (and whaddaya know, his real
name is Jack Frost!), a musician whose life is so busy that
he can't care for his son, Charlie, in a way that he wishes
he could. One of the film's earlier outside shots has Jack
and Charlie in the snow, and the backdrops of the whole
scene look so obvious and artificial that it's almost as
if the filmmakers edited close-ups of a Barbie doll complex
into the scene to save money and time.
soon after that scene, Jack is killed on the road on Christmas
day. Charlie and his mother mourn. They mourn for one long
year. Then Charlie has a problem with a bully at school.
He goes to his father's old harmonica and plays it. Ironically,
Jack winds up alive again in the front yard, as that dang
walking, talking snowman. At first, Charlie is frightened.
Then he grows on him. The two develop that relationship
that they didn't quite have when Jack was alive and in human
form. They bond. They have snowball fights. They do everything
they can think of to determine how they can beat this bully.
Never once does Charlie even ask about what the afterlife
is like. They say that if people really did return from
the other side, the first question would be "what's it like."
Sorry, Charlie. Whatever you do, don't become a journalist.
Even Barbra Walters would get frustrated with you.
honestly don't think that a Michael Keaton movie can get
any worse. It's usually an actor's fault for making a movie
feel and look so bad; they are the screen presence, and
they determine how we should feel for the characters they
play. Keaton looks like he doesn't care about what fate
has in store for him. To become a snowman a year after your
death is a deficient idea. Have you ever thought about what
would happen if you came back as one in 100-degree heat?
1999, David Keyes, Cinemaphile.org.
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