Rating -

Comedy (US); 1998; Rated PG-13; 86 Minutes

Seth Adkins: Tiny Anthony
Christina Applegate: Diane
Lloyd Bridges: Don Vincenzo Cortino
Billy Burke: Joey Cortino
Olympia Dukakis: Sophia Cortino

Produced by Peter Abrams, Bill Badalato, Robert L. Levy, Michael McManus and Greg Norberg; Directed by Jim Abrahams; Screenwritten by Jim Abrahams, Greg Norberg and Michael McManus

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Written by DAVID KEYES

It really sickens me when a movie like "MAFIA!" comes along and I stumble in on it, hoping that, for once, the spoof comedy genre might have something funny up its sleeve. But it has never happened, and it did not happen here. "MAFIA!," like every other similar spoof, is unfunny, crummy, and made in poor taste. A suggestion to Hollywood: why even bother?

The story is simple: Don Vincenzo Cortino has grown into a godfather of a moronic, badly-formed Mafia, which was created when he overthrew the original Italian Mafia that we all know of in film's like "The Godfather." But Cortino is getting old, and he wants his son, Joey Cortino, to take over after he's gone. The only problem is that the Mafia Vincenzo overthrew has never actually been destroyed, and it's descendants are out to kill the dimwitted godfather.

This is the type of movie where you are so bored with the jokes that you can't completely pick up the whole story. Most of the story is comedy-based context, with farce so pathetically scripted and acted that it (once again) proves that this genre cannot exist in cinema anymore with actual decency. It reverts to humor where jokes are modified and taken from other films, as well as the humor where people get injured in some sort of corny, unlaughable way.

For instance, there is one scene (which you may see in trailers) where a woman dives off of a diving board and into a swimming pool, only to realize that afterwards, the swimming pool has no water in it.

This isn't funny. This has never been funny, and I doubt that anyone will make a movie where it will be funny.

Now, an example of modified film jokes. When Cortino is young, he is a flourist. After giving one of his girl friends a flower, Mafia members chase him down the street, and the little girl screams "Run, Florist, run!" Think about that the next time you see "Forrest Gump."

Oh, but those are only the minor tidbit problems with "MAFIA!." The real problem lies within one of the film's main characters, who seems to be attracted to women who constantly get caught up in accidents that would often break a normal human's bones. In one such scene, he has his eyes fixated upon an attractive blond who seems to be swinging on poles atop a stage with minimal use of gravity. The woman then swings too fast, lets go, and impacts with the drinking case right behind the bar. Words fail me as I sit there and watch him applaud her disastrous performance.

1998, David Keyes, Please e-mail the author here if the above review contains any spelling or grammar mistakes.
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